Between My Headphones: When I am wrong... I'm WRONG!

Yup & I ALWAYS admit it when I am & this is thee biggest pill I've had to swallow yet.... in 2010. Many times, even on here I've expressed my dislike for Lady GaGa aka GagGag, but unexpectedly the hook & sick beat for "Bad Romance" got me & the video made me wet myself... from sweating, DUH! I thought it was a fluke so I paid no mind to it, I gave her ONE hit & that was it... then I watched her on Oprah & saw what she did for Haiti & how genuinely humbled she was for her success & the blessings she has recieved from her generous "Little Monster" fans, so I gave her TWO! Then the song Telephone came out, I tried to play it off "ok that's cool"... a week later I secretly had that jam on repeat & told NO ONE! I was like a binge eating bulimic for the hectic, multifaceted beats.

Then yesterday the video came out & DAGNABBIT... I'm freaking HOOOOOKED! That's THREE... Diva did a hat trick on me. The utter filth, rawness, girl power sexy, confident, trash, balls, all that insanity, Miss B looking like a Black Bettie Page, non sequitur images & dialogue, couture, mad unabashed product placements, mayhem, mass murdering, drop bass that just smacks your ass, 11 flippin' costume changes, raunch & glam all wrapped up in under 10 minutes... UGH, it's a wrap for me! I wouldn't say I'm a Monster but God blessed the chick is SICK & I HAVE to give her her dayum props, not like she needs me to cosign for her on her talent... HA! I can't wait to hit the club with my Gays tonight & dance this madness off! So "tonight I'm not takin' no calls cause I'll be dancin'... I'm BUSY!"

STOKED!: I Have A Song!!!

I know I've been MIA, but until 7 am PST on 4/10/10 I can't explain why, trust you're going to be just as stoked as I am... but I had to come on here prior just to share thee most AMAZING gift I have ev-ER received... actually I'm lying it's a super tie with Shannon Pope animating me for Single Serving, that was a dream I always had... but inspiring a song, being a Muse for such an incredible thing as music is a notion I never thought I deserved. On top of that, aside of material things I don't have much, I rent... I'm single, I finance my car... shoot neither of my folks own a home for me to go to. It's been my life's mission to have a place of my very own... to own something, something that is mine & NO ONE can take away from me. To belong to something, to inspire someone, to belong to someone... hmm, didn't expect to say that publicly... (screw it!) but I will say that I am extremely lucky enough to own a spot in the hearts of those that care about me the most & I am proud to announce that I have a song of my very own. My very talented, beautiful & BRILLIANT friend has written one for me... WOW, I'm speechless. I can't do this justice by trying to find the words to explain how this feels. Click below to read the lyrics & hear the gorgeous song by Ken Christianson to hear "my song". I hope you enjoy it half as much as I do:

http://wp.me/p8ki8-ks

Between My Headphones: X-Mas Muzak!

While my Christmas Lechon is marinating in the fridge I'm online trekking for new tunes to inspire me in the kitchen when I should really be writing my blog about my Holiday party on November 27th, I'm so damn lazy BUT it has been a while since I've contributed a musical offering to the Blogosphere & while I was in NYC 2 weeks ago my friend Irene generously commented that she holds me responsible for her great taste in music & that's her favorite part of coming on here... awwww Ireenie! Here's the best I found, this is my X-Mas present to you... ENJOY!

Worth Repeating: I Want To Live In My Dreams

Oh yeah time just stops when I listen to this. It's so simple, sexy, hopeful & so beautiful. Dreamworld by Robin Thicke... enjoy! RIP in Shaniya.

(The embedding to Robin's video on youtube is disabled so here's a video clip that I made as a tribute for a benefit my friends & I held to raise money to help the victims of the Australian Bushfires)

Between My Headphones: The Land of (fa la la la) LA I'm inspired

Ok so last night BLEW! Just one of the many pitfalls of being single in this new era of technology but I guess one of the cool parts of 2009 is that I can put on blast or praise someone via this blog. In my action packed weekend I spent a lot of time talking about my adventures on Saturday & Sunday & although everything went so well on those days my favorite & probably one of my favourite days all year was on Friday. Now for the upside of being a single chick in the Land of LA. I hung out with this sweet, sweet guy for a second time. The first time we hung out we played records all night... VINYL!!! Who does that anymore?!?!? It reminded me of the Sundays I had growing up when my dad would take a dip in the pool in the morning grab his towel come back into the house & sit on his towel on the floor for hours playing his records.

He'd play thee widest range of records from Haitian standards like Tabou Combo to Patsy Cline to Stevie Wonder to Gato Barbieri to Redd Foxx comedy albums to Charles Aznavour to Oscar De Leon to Roger Whitaker & Earth, Wind & Fire. My brother & I didn't dare speak to him during this time, for hours it was just him & his music a world he so gladly wanted to reside in for just those few hours on a Sunday & we all respected that, hell we were being entertained also by the vast array of recorded brilliance. I definitely inherited this ability from my father to live between my headphones. To hear the popping sounds of the vinyl on this guy's speakers as we kept the volume low in order not to wake anyone because it was late was a sense memory I greatly missed. He introduced me to an incredible country crooner Ray Price. I adore musical discoveries & learning about someone I would have not had the opportunity to know about.

The whole night I was mesmerized by him & kept referring to him as this old soul. He was 27 at the time & I was just in awe of how much musical knowledge he had & that he still played records I mean in this day of texting to start & cancel flipping dates I mean really... WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE?!?!?!? He was a perfect gentleman the whole night, it was really sweet. Cut to Friday night I went to his new place he made me a drink & asked me all sorts of questions about who I am & where I'm from & what I want from life... that was cool. Living my life publicly online I have so many people that think they know me & I share blood with people who have absolutely NO CLUE who I am so it was really nice to have someone ask & gauge by their expression whether they gave a hoot or not as I peeled away the layers of myself. He asked me all these questions as we stood in the kitchen, he had a red KitchenAid food processor the same one I have & exclaimed Sur La Table was one of his favorite stores & that he had mad skills in the kitchen that was pretty cute also. I asked him to show me around his new place & he gladly accommodated.

When we got to his room there were Blackbirds he stenciled all over his walls, a futon mattress on the floor smack dab in the middle of the room, a closet full of bits & pieces of motorcycle parts, a massive desk with every gadget known to man, a big screen TV & a wall of books loaded with the classics. I sat at his desk facing the Blackbirds & the books trying to absorb every piece of this space I was in. John Steinbeck, Ayn Rand, Ray Bradbury, Chuck Palahniuk I mean the lists of books can go on & on & I could smell them from across the room as if I were in the library that's how many times these books had been open & shut shaping this young man's perspective about life, loss & love. I was in absolute awe & wasn't hiding this fact. He asked me what I liked to read & I told him although it was something I have always wanted to do when I was younger, aside from reading poetry, I never built up the confidence to read, I mean to lose yourself in a book is a very intimate experience & I still kick myself for never trying. I let my ADHD get the best of me. I asked what he was reading & sure enough he pulled a dog earred riddled book from his satchel... a book by one of his favorites Ray Bradbury, he opened it took a whiff of the book, flipped the pages, closed it & then held it near his heart. A sentiment I understood just by watching him do it but never personally experienced.

Now it was my turn to interview him. He's from the Midwest, Minnesota the home of Prince. Attended art school at Cal Arts, by trade he sketches & designs rugs for high end clientele & on the weekends he fixes & builds motorcycles. Sitting on his dining room table was this huge old engine he used for practice this thing was loaded with carbon deposits & high speed glazing... some of the spark plugs were removed as if he were piecing together pieces of the puzzle to understand how to make his engine better for when it came time to & he was confident enough in what he did to this old engine he can go off to soup up his baby that was waiting for his care. I thought that was pretty damn cool too! Even though motorcycles scare the crap out of me & I've lost 4 people to accidents on those things. It was another thing I could identify with even though I didn't understand. Then he said his real passion was music... he's a musician *tire screeches* ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR HOLD UP?!?!? Besides being passionate about books, art, vinyl records & motorcycles there's still room for you to make music?!?!?

His G4 was playing his itunes the entire time so I asked did he have anything on his itunes? He said yes. I asked "can you play something". He got all coy & humble & was like it's on shuffle, something will come up... I was insistent "NO, I want to hear something of YOURS"... again he gets all modest "don't worry something will pop up" he says. I was like screw that I start typing a K in the search of his itunes, he pops over & was like "fine" he finished typing his name & literally HUNDREDS of songs popped up... he was like the White Tupac there were so many! I had one of those cartoon moments when my eyeballs leapt from my eye sockets & then he played a song called the "Twelfth of Never" this old Johnny Mathis song my Mom loved & a cover from Jeff Buckley that I absolutely adored from his Live At Sin-e album. It took everything in my power to not burst into tears, the haunting sound of his voice was so reminiscent of one of my very favorite artists of all time & a live version of Jeff Buckley's Elton John cover We All Fall In Love Sometimes that I listen to every other day... it's my therapy

Hell I LOVE a lot of music & have a hard time listing who my favorite artists are in order not to leave anyone out but I ALWAYS name Jeff Buckley as one of them, hey it's even on the profile description to this blog, he Chris Cornell & Stevie Wonder keep me sane... ok rambling again.

You can tell in his stylings that Jeff Buckley is a HUGE influence on him but as we went through more & more of his library his voice changed & adapted to whatever mood he was in or what his song was about & what inspired him at that exact moment. At one point he played one of his live songs & I was like "WHOAH you can totally tell your eyes are closed here & you're standing in a room of strangers with your eyes closed baring your soul.. singing, how freaking ballsy is that?" Again with great humility he brushed this off as no biggie. We must of went through 50 or 60 songs every one of them as fantastic as whatever preceded it. He played the guitar, the piano, the flippin' violin & wrote & arranged every single one of his songs & recorded them in his bedroom, hence the mattress on the floor... he needs the space for his creativity to flow. At one point I just grabbed his head my fingers ran between his vaguely salt & pepper curls & said "all of this is in your head", he was like "what do you mean?" I replied "All this passion & respect for literature, art, music & flipping engines are in THAT head?!?!?" He laughed & replied "yeah".

I stayed there until 3 soaking every ounce of this Man's creativity in. His birthday was the week before he's now 28, he made it past Saturn's return & I see nothing but greatness in his future. Before I left I excused myself to the bathroom, there was a book of haikus in there, I flipped through it took a whiff & placed it against my heart... hell I guess I can do that too... they're 3 line phrases of 5 then 7 then 5 syllables my ADHD behind can handle that!!! We exchanged blog addresses. I thanked him profusely for sharing his gifts with me he walked me to my car & we hugged.

The whole way I drove home a little past 3 am I was so happy to be this single chick that gets to experience meeting someone like that only in the Land of LA... yeah this place has it's perks & that's definitely the best part of it. All these young, brilliant & ballsy people all within this creatively palpable radius it was such a treat & an experience I will never forget. We're all just trying to make a difference it's the getting there part that's super difficult but man when we reach our destination... finally I wouldn't exchange a single experience I have had for the world... BELIEVE THAT! Sure enough when I got home & checked out his blog he submits a haiku a day... *swoon* this boy is good, he is damn good! Check out http://kenchristianson.com/. Thank you Ken Christianson for sharing. If any of you lasted this long please check out his MySpace & get the chills for yourself

Worth Repeating: Still On A Plane Waiting For The Dive.

I would like to once again thank Sean Lennon & his Friendly Fire album for getting me through this evening. I had a date cancel by text message tonight. I LOATHE TEXT MESSAGES!!!! They're so impersonal & another trick people are using nowadays to feel connected to one another but without having to risk ANYTHING in order not to get hurt. I feel like I live in this world where everyone is feeling safer being an arms length apart. I don't like them! Do I need to buy airtime for people to understand this?!?!? Listen, I know I'm not old fashioned but I KNOW I deserve the respect to be given a proper phone call a chance to hear your sincerity & a chance for you to hear that I'm ok with this cancellation.

Damn.. I keep holding up these standards in the land of LA no one is even trying to reach... bummer BUT thanks to music I am always inspired to hold on. The video for this is stun-NING but the embedding is disabled so please look it up on youtube if you've never seen it click this. I wish Sean wasn't treated like John Lennon's untalented bastard son trying to ride his coattails! He is so talented & under-appreciated! Well that's enough of my ranting for the night, this is not the tone I want to set on this blog but I had to just let it out, I'll just listen to this on repeat until I fall asleep. Sweet, sweet lullabies.


Lyrics:
Love is like an aero plane
You jump and then you pray
The lucky ones remain
In the clouds for days
If life is just a stage
Let's put on the best show
And let everyone know

[chorus]
Cause if I have to die tonight
I'd rather be with you
Cut the parachute before the dive
Baby don't you cry
You have to bring me down
We had some fun before we hit the ground

Love is like a hurricane
You know it's on the way
You think you can be brave
Underneath the waves
If life is just a dream
Which of us is dreaming
And who will wake up screaming

Cause if I have to die tonight
I'd rather be with you
Cut the parachute before the dive
Baby don't you cry
You have to bring me down
We had some fun before we hit the ground

Cause if I have to die tonight
I'd rather be with you
Cut the parachute before the dive
Baby don't you cry
You have to bring me down
We had some fun before we hit the ground

Cause if I have to die tonight
I'd rather it was you
Cut the parachute before the dive
Baby don't you cry
You have to bring me down
We had some fun before we hit the ground

Field Trippin': Sweet Caroline... so good, so good, SO GOOD!

A couple weeks ago my little Buddha crew & I hit the beach. It was 2 days after I catered the Pom Wonderful event & after the impromptu leftovers party I had after the event I still had some food stuffing the fridge. For a couple of weekends my boy Zak would cruise by the house & scoop Vinda & I & we'd set off for a new adventure at a different beach... the perks of living in the land of LA LA.

Mito & Curtis joined in so I decided to make a picnic out of it. I had some crispy pomegranate duck left over from the pom king duck , some Vietnamese noodles in the cupboards & takeout boxes. SCORE!


I made a Japanese Cucumber salad to cool off the heat from the noodles


Driving through the Valley to get to Zuma the sun was kissing the hills, the music had us swaying, we were talking about spirituality & how the mystic law is changing our lives & the breeze from my windows down had my hair blowing... I've been rocking my REAL hair lately Boo Boo & it has been looking & feeling FIERCE! We were so stoked. We get to the beach ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...... hold up, are we in London?!?!?

We couldn't see the water, hell we couldn't see our hands as we stretched out our arms... the fog was so dense, maybe it wasn't fog I don't know what it was I'm not a beach person but apparently out here you're supposed to check a "surf report" before you head out. Where I'm from you open the shades & if the sun smacks you in your face it's a great God blessed day to hit la playa... to you gringos or non Miami folks that's the beach. And it was as cold as a witches boob out there... not cute at all! After paying 7 bucks to park & the 45 minute drive out there we decided to brave the frozen tundra & accept our fate & we copped a squat. Happy I added all those chilies to our noodles it was a good time to lay out the food & eat it to get warm.

Mito's way of making the "best" of it... HA!

Since you can't drink at the beach, trust me Vinda & I learned this the weekend before when the ATV beach police came to smell our thermos & Zak was convinced they were going to take us in the back of their ATV's & arrest us... HA! I LOADED up a bag full of all the fruits that were leftover at the bottom of the jar from my pomegranate sangrias... PARTY, PARTY Baby! I was loaded!
Everyone loved it... except for Zak, he didn't eat he was so bummed about the weather, jokingly Vinda started chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo for the sun to come back, it was after 2.... the chances of that happening was as good as Rush Limbaugh owning a Football team (what is WRONG with that guy?!?!?) Never one to question the mystic law, we all chimed in to the chant, laughing. The noodles got to me & as usual after I eat the "itis" struck & I put my head down, wrapped all the towels around me & slept with the fishes...

AND I woke up to THIS!!!!!
It's well after 3 o'clock & the sun is kick-ING!!! It was beautiful... oh I also woke up to this, poor Mito I stole his towel & he made this to keep warm... pobrecito.
We took lots of pictures & laughed, I cranked up the music & our oceanside party began. Zak went from near depression to SHOCK! He kept saying "but it's after 3, it's after 3, why is the sun out like this?!?!?" Vinda the Boriqua Buddha from da Bronx just kept answering in her thick don't mess with me I'm from da boogie down accent, "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo"... it was awesome. I started playing some extremely inappropriate Miami booty bass & although I wanted to dance SO badly I just sat down with Curtis chair dancing... terrible.

A classical aria by the 2 Live Crew "Doo Doo Brown" came on... the not so radio friendly version played... Mito & Vinda were going off & I just watched in awe of how uninhibited they were. They were jokingly smacking each others cans & dropping it like it's hot! Next thing you know this precocious little girl wearing a life vest came over & she just danced circles around us.

Around & around she went, I was fixated on this & then realized the lyrics are talking about not popping bottles but popping a woman's... ahem & the guy keeps grunting "Doo Doo Brown!!!" quickly I change the music but wanting to keep the Miami theme I switch to some Freestyle.

I play TKA, Lissette Menedez, Stevie B, George Lamond, music that's way past it's expiration date but the novelty of it & the same beat coursing through every single song no matter who sang it still held on to it's brilliance.

This bundle of superb energy, Miss Caroline, did not stop. Round & round she goes, hypnotizing us with her infectious positivity. I turn to Curtis & say "what happened to us, we used to do that, we used to be so carefree?" Curtis without hesitation answered "life" this bummed me out a bit but still I was under this little fairy's spell.

Round & round she went sprinkling her fairy dust I looked at my ipod to find more music & next thing you know... there it was. The song that makes me SO damn happy if an Earthquake struck & I were left with nothing... absolutely nothing, I swear if ANYONE played this song, I would just start dancing & clapping like a feral seal jumping up & down with sheer joy, what could this piece of musical genius be you ask?!?!

It's that song you know, that you're embarrassed about it's like that date you take to the dark & dingy corner of that dive bar no one would expect for you to be caught dead at but hell it's a free drink... ok fine DRINKS & he's paying & he's not a bad kisser... yes it's THAT kind of song! Is the suspense killing you? Ladies & Germs click play:


Oh it was a WRAP! Vinda the Diva, Curtis the fab Gay, Caroline my Tinkerbell & my bitter, bitter ass LOST IT!!! We danced round & round & Caroline lead the way! Her mother & friend were looking over & laughing... they knew EXACTLY what she was doing "spreading her magic". Her Mother Chrissi & Chrissi's friend Briana were photographers & an impromptu photo shoot began... WERK!


We just kept dancing & dancing, round & round we went all of a sudden we were the little kids I spoke of earlier that were untouched by "life" well unscathed by it is a more appropriate term to describe it. They kept shooting away at our exuberence as the sun shared it's last kisses. I then switched to a White Party remix of one of my FAVORITE songs of all time, doesn't matter WHO sings it, it just makes me happy, riddles me with goosebumps & makes my soul happy, "Let The Sunshine In".


It was super poetic as the sun we were worshipping went down, round & round we went thanking both it & Caroline for their mystic blessings, round & round we went the music is begging us "you got to feeeeeeel it... you GOT to, Let the sunshine.... when you are lonely, when you are lonely... you GOT to feeeel it". Round & round we went... "FEELING it" Vinda, Curtis, Myself & wait...


where's my little stinkerbell Caroline?!?!? She was off to sprinkle her pixie dust on someone else. She was back sitting with her little brother kicking her feet in the water splashing in delight knowing full well what she had done. I will NEVER forget her & I thank her for setting me free! We continued to dance to let the sunshine in as the sun shone out. I jumped for joy as I no longer felt constrained by my needing to feel "grown up" thank you Caroline for reminding me of quality of life I have long forgotten.... what a feeling!
Photos courtesy of Caroline's Mommy Chrissi Richards: http://www.chrissirichards.com/

Brain Food/Ab Work: I'm a Fool to Want You

I have wanted to get married at Union Station ever since I went there by chance with a former lover to pick up some friend's visiting from Australia 9 years ago. Something so romantic & sexy about train stations & trains. The chugging of the train is reminiscent of the beating heart & when it releases steam & the whistle blows it's like the sound you make inside when you meet someone that can potentially change your life. The architecture is stun-NING from the ceilings, moldings, archways, paneled walls to the marble floor, God IS really in the details.

They really don't make places like that anymore but what makes me love Union Station the most is sometimes I like to go there by myself & sit & watch people waiting in anticipation to greet loved ones they've greatly missed pacing back & forth & when that person coming from the gate is no longer a silhouette but that loved one who is just as relieved to be back in their arms, I choke up.

Or watching strangers say goodbye to the loved ones they will try to desperately find the courage to go through that period of time without. It's one of the few times I sit back without judgment or opinions & have complete optimism of how much we all need one another & the importance of having that one extremely special person to share your life with & share theirs. When I do meet him I can't imagine a greater place in the world for us to exchange our vows.

With that being said I didn't watch the Emmy's because I was shooting G.A.R. but someone posted this on their blog & I ♥ ♥ ♥ LOVE it!!!! Every single second of this is perfection & so many elements that I just ADORE! Not only is it directed by the director & starring the star of one of my favorite movies of all time Amelie, it's an ad for Chanel & I LOVE Chanel perfume*swoon* (Allure is my signature scent).

It takes place on a train & in a train station somewhere in PARIS, with a supermodel looking hot leading Man to fawn over, the clever way of symbolizing potential lovers as two trains passing in the night ON a train but no let's top ALL of that by brilliantly adding the element of the incomparable Miss Billie Holiday singing her haunting "I'm a Fool to Want You" from her album Lady in Satin playing in the background... I swear if they threw a Red Velvet Cupcake in there with a decadent slice of Pork Belly, a glass of Malbec & a pair of Louboutins I would've PASSED out because too many of my favorite things in 2 minutes is just TOO MUCH!

Well I've rambled enough. Here's to someday my train coming in & yours also...


OH & check out this new pic my Lovebug Shannon made for me for my birthday... couldn't you just DIE?!?!? Cupcakes & pink & heels & animated OH MY!

Between My Headphones: Sweet Stevie & Syreeta

It's BEYOND worth repeating I've had this which feels like I may have kept it on repeat for the entire day is this super under-appreciated song from my favorite Artist of ALL time. I'm going to let my guard down & enjoy life more.

Food For Thought: I went to Michael Jackson's Memorial, thank you Sharette for inspiring me to write about this

Decided to add another topic to the blog, "Food For Thought"... TOTALLY inspired from Michael's Memorial I attended yesterday. I was at a Chinese Restaurant with my best friend Kenny when the news broke. I remember sitting there & running the gamut of emotions in a matter of a few minutes not giving each a proper amount of time to feel any of them for too long because I was wrestling with EVERYTHING at the same time! Does that make sense? Anywho...

To me... there are four sides to the Icon. The music, the message the memories & the Man. I mourned the loss of the Man in '93 when the first accusations came out I judged him by what my eyes saw, the stories I have heard & this anger I held in my heart. I myself was molested by a trusted family member that I admired so much, so I have a hard time believing a grown man could share a bed with a child & avoid touching them or exposing themselves to a child in an inappropriate manner. This fueled my rage & my distrust in Men grew, but the music & memories lived on for me.

To hear a MJ song at a club with your friends & you're all having a blast you instinctively remember the exact moment you heard it the first time, where you were, what you wore & who you were with... that is an incredible feat for a human being to accomplish to have such an effect on so many people that they are literally the soundtrack of that person's life & NOT just mine... my Grandmother, my parents, my brother, all of my friends & everyone spanning three generations were a fan. That too is no easy task.

I was invited to the Memorial, literally the day after he died. I resisted... I was angry at how everyone, especially my friends with children were so broken up about his loss. I was angry how the day before he died he was "Whacko Jacko" & the day of he was once again The King of Pop. I was angry that I was duped to believe he was this great Man when I was a child with his charitable dispositon & music that wanted to share the notion of peace, love, acceptance & strength through adversity yet his face was changing constantly in what seemingly became, in my eyes, a person who literally could no longer live in his own skin! I was angry that he could betray a person's trust... I was ANGRY that my trust was betrayed, I was angry that someone took away my childhood & I was ANGRY that all these years later that fact still cripples me. I'm ANGRY that I'm angry... huh "I'm angry?" Wait I'M "angry"...

I didn't realize I was angry until I went to the Memorial. Like I said I wasn't going to go I argued with everyone & even got into some pretty heated debates about the matter, some in public, but at the very last minute I decided to go. My mentor, Simone, used to work at Motown. This is the strongest & most powerful Woman I have ever known & by the grace of God she has taken a liking to me & has put me under her wing. She has been like a Mother to me, I'm not saying that just to say it because it's the nice thing to say & so damn cliche, but she truly has been like a Mother to me. ♥♥♥♥

When my Mother lost her power when my parents divorced I would watch Oprah & imagine my Mother had that strength, but that was imaginary I had to imagine that & pretend my Mother had it. Simone is REAL & the BOMB & loves me & always comes in clutch when I feel at my lowest. Whether it is with the tiniest or the grandest of gestures, a letter, a good talking to, an ear, a ticket to catch a Matinee at a theatre or reading me the riot act when all is said & done & I contemplate on all that has transpired after a Super Simone Session, she gives me my power back!!! I decided to go.

TJ & I on our way to the Staples Center in Brian's car

Honestly I was just going to sit in the nose bleed seats with my friend Chris I had also got a ticket for, who also I have been dying to repay my gratitude for getting me a gig on a Cruise to Mexico at the end of the month. Then I bumped into a very distressed friend of mine at the SLS Hotel where we are all meeting there to get our tickets. His extra ticket was STOLEN & it was for a FAB friend of mine that is a BRILLIANT Artist & so generous by nature, Brian Friedman from X-Factor & So You Think You Can Dance fame. Actually the very first Pilot Episode of Single Serving was shot in his kitchen & I had been DYING to show him my gratitude for a year. His ticket was stolen by none other than the very vile opportunist Omarosa Manigault & he flew in from London for this service.

There was NO way I would have him sit in the nose bleeds! I asked Simone if I could get a ticket for him. After 3 hours waiting to figure out what to do with one single extra ticket she gave it to me. Here I had both the nose bleed & the floor & opted to give Brian the floor seat feeling so happy that he gets to enjoy this the way he deserves to. As we were driving into the lot... Super Simone texted & said she had an extra ticket, come meet her. She took his ticket & gave us 2 tickets & said "now you two can sit together".... HAVE YOU EVER?!?!? We walked the black carpet, took pics & Chris Brown walked right past us. I gave my extra ticket to TJ & he called a friend over to pick them up within minutes, how the hell did I end up with 4 tickets last minute like that for the greatest Memorial service to a musical legend?

Brian & I on the "Black carpet"♥

I sat 6 rows behind the family. I could see EVERYTHING! At first before... Michael was brought in it was all about the cool factor. The row before me was John Mayer & Reverend Al Sharpton sitting together the row before that was Tyler Perry & he walked over to greet John & Al, I was surprised how respectful they were all with one another. Usher, Gladys Knight, Telma Hopkins, John Salley, the ENTIRE Motown family all around me. Behind me was Kobe Bryant... HELLO, he OWNS the Staples Center... how in the hell is he sitting BEHIND me?!?!? Then it was like celebrity whiplash... "Well hello Barbara Walters, I don't feel so bad about missing The View today since you are too... Corey Feldman... why are you dressed like Michael TODAY, what's wrong with you?!?!? OMG is that Willis & Stoney Jackson?!?!? Wait... why in the hell do I remember Stoney Jackson's name?" I have the memory of a damn elephant!

The amount of stars & pseudo-stars sitting behind us was staggering. I sat next to James Ingram & told him how "I don't have the Heart" got me through the 9th grade because I was in love with my best friend who loved me, but not the way I wanted him to... he burst out & sang it in my ear... my eyes welled up. Then Patti Austin sat 2 rows behind me & they busted out an impromptu rendition of "Baby Come To Me", I guess that's how they greet each other & he turns to me & says "that's my musical wife".. Brian & I look at each other "what in the hell are we doing here, how did this happen?"

James Ingram

Dionne Warrick walks by making the rounds to greet old friends & says hello to James turns to Brian & I & introduces herself to us... Oh man I could go on & on with the coolness factor stories but this blog could go on FOREVER if I did. Time to move on to the Service. The brothers wearing one sequined glove bring in the gold casket. The performances start & it wasn't until my musical idol Stevie Wonder sang "They Won't Go When I Go" a song I always imagined playing at my funeral the reality of sadness hit, I shed a tear for the first time for Michael.

Berry Gordy got up & said a beautiful eulogy & images of Michael & his music flashed, once again it was about the "music" & the "memories". He chronicled the milestones & I knew everything he was going to say as he said it because those were my milestones also. Rev. Al Sharpton whom I've always been eh about, his controversial stances on several issues rub me the wrong way he got up & spoke about the "Man". I found it fitting one controversial icon spoke so fervently & earnestly about another... he KILLED IT when he said this:

My memories turned into realizations of how angry, judgmental, removed from family & unforgiving I am this is where I had that "I'm ANGRY?" epiphany I spoke of earlier, it hit me right then & there. I was mortified because hiding in all that anger & negativity was the 4th aspect of this icon... his message. I forgot how charitable he was. I forgot how loving he was. I forgot how the message in his music would propel the masses to reach for a better life. I FORGOT THE MESSAGE!!!! Then the children got on stage & I watched Paris console & hold her little brother like a little mother. I kept turning to Brian, she's SO strong she's SO STRONG! Then... she spoke.

The Family

It felt like I got kicked in both my face & my gut repeatedly. How did I become so hardened? He was also someone's father, the father of 3 beautiful young people. NO WORDS!!!! Even in death his message, the message about his life no matter how great or how tragic it was affected me... *chills* I don't know, I guess I'm rambling, I'm hoping this all makes sense to you as you're reading this but I have to apologize because it's all starting to develop to make sense to me, but I felt compelled to say something today. Thank you ♥Miss Sharette Driver♥ for challenging me & the position I held 48 hours ago. I still believe that something wasn't "kosher" about his relationship with children, but I am NOT a Judge that is between him & God & I am ok with that. I no longer need to be angry about it.

There's ALWAYS a method to one's greatness & madness & I am NO exception... this was an incredible lesson for me about humanity.

I am forever changed.

Jermaine's stirring rendition of Charlie Chaplin's "Smile" MJ's favorite song.

The family hugging Usher after his performance